Elle Effect

Something that I’m going to take home with me from this place is so simple and yet, so valuable. To feel the depth of ones beauty, be able to embrace it, feel seen even though you are alone, smile inwardly and geuninely, smell the flowers… blow out the candles. Smell the flowers, blow out the candles. Repeat over and over until you’ve passed that one certain rock, turned the corner, stomped upon those fallen purple-hued flowers scattered across dark, red clay; some days dry, some days damp. Inhale, exhale, beating the ground with heavy-laced shoes.

The kids will come out and play while we take our evening run down through the school and around the farm. The dirt-clay soccer field holds their attention for quite sometime and the playground entertains for the remainder.

Tonight, I turned the corner and saw Nyiko sitting in the middle of the dirt road. I smiled. He smiled back. I passed him playing his new, shiny harmonica courtesy of Nate and a lovely man back in Nashville. He laughed. I always seem to say the kids names and wink right after. “Nyiko! (wink)” He laughs again; that beautiful, high-pitched laugh. This time to my pleasant surprise… he winks back. Perched there in the middle of the dirt road, time slowed. I proceeded to turn my running, sweating body to face him – “Nyiko!” – He looked up again and watched, making fun of me, as now, I was running backwards. Just as much as we think the kids are goofs, they think we are, too. It equals out and is quite enjoyable. So many little things to enjoy, to laugh at, to remember. And this being one of them. My memory, my camera.

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It’s easy to write about things that naturally capture your soul. Not trying to conjure up some epic truth of some kind, but simply expressing how life is beautiful.

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.”
-Donald Miller

51 pages [ front and back ] have been filled in my journal.
Active progress: living out and wresting with the questions and loosing the desire to find all, the, answers.

A quote I took with me before I left from a past journal:

“Do not grow faster than you should. You may dislocate and be ineffective. And what good is that? To be ineffective? Wait and grow, strength comes in time. It does not come overnight. Nothing is truly good unless it is worth the wait.”
[ Summer, 2007 ]

I’ve been writing faithfully every day in my moleskine. An entire journal has been dedicated to this trip… and I may end up needing two. I’ve promised myself not to read over anything I write until the [ long ] plane ride home. There is so much to take in in such a small amount of time. There really will be no way to express how much I’ve learned and changed until I step foot on American soil again, the 7th of Dec. It’ll take quite a bit of reflection to take it all in account, and I’m looking forward to it.

I’ve really grown to love the family I have here. Yes, family. Sarah, the kids, the school — they’ve made such a beautiful community of people and really reflect what the meaning of Pfunanane means, “let’s help each other.” I’ve noticed they love here mostly by action, not word. I don’t hear, “I love you, I love you, I love you” coming even from the kids… and they are all very affectionate and don’t have a sense of personal space.  ; ) They all want your attention, they all want you to hold their hand, to smile at them, to take a moment and notice their many, many drawings. There definitely isn’t any blood relation to those living here at the house, but the true sense of family is stronger than I’ve seen in those that are actually blood related. It’s a beautiful, humbling and revered thing.

As my time is quickly closing here, it’s hard to know where to put my heart. It’s still so involved and will be so quickly uprooted next Saturday as we head in Kruger and onto Joburg to fly home. I’ll most definitely cherish the last week here in Duiswelskloof – waking up to kids faces peering and laughing me as I sit up, still half asleep… so many things I can’t seem to list right now, but will eventually.

I’ll be taking back with me this strong sense of community, and where my community lies – on all local, national and global levels. I still feel like a floater, without a definite community to call my own. It’ll take time to sink myself in somewhere locally, it’s been awhile since I have. I miss it, and it’s by far something that is needed to make oneself whole and healthy.

So many things are going through my head to write about. The way I’ve found myself not needing to compare myself to others – in what I wear, in what I say, in anything. When I was in Cape Town, the sense of that heightened and that’s when I noticed it.

Such contrast. The following day after flying back, we did hours of house visits to the sponsored families in the local township of Kgpane. I felt more comfortable, I felt more human. It’s a contrast that I was thankful and blessed to have felt.

Highlights of Cape Town:
- Robben Island. Our tour guide experienced it all firsthand; he was quite the storyteller. If you don’t know about Robben Island, look it up. Now.
- Surfing in False Bay (most shark infested waters) in the Indian Ocean
A huge, huge thanks to the beautiful Lauren Masser for letting us stay with her and her housemates

Highlights to Come:
- An African Thanksgiving. We found a frozen turkey today at the store, and we are buying a chicken at a local farm, slaughtering it and having the locals teach us how to properly dress it. Needless to say, looking forward to documenting that.

Today, we picked up two AIDS orphans from the local township of Dan to come and live with Sarah – Cini (around 9) and Lawerence (around 11; we don’t know their exact ages). They lived in a one room shack alone, with their Uncle coming maybe once a month to check on them. Hopefully, they’ll be living here permanently in January to start the school year at Pfunanane. They’ll both need sponsors. There are actually quite a few kids who need sponsored to continue here at Pfunanane — and I’ll be explaining that further when I get home at the art exhibits I’ll be having and how you can easily get involved. It’s been quite a day.

Tomorrow begins my last week. Bittersweet.